10 Things All Conservatory Owners Can Relate To.Published on 16th September 2014
Conservatories are at the heart of Apropos; we love them and think that there are few better ways to enhance a house, but we also know that they have a few… quirks that only those who own them will understand. Hopefully, you’ll be able to see the funny side too!
- Fly Evacuation Protocol. Swatting. Newspaper wafting. Waving your hands in the air. Shouting. Forming a corral to slowly usher the flying fiend out… Whatever your tactics, fly evacuation is a bugbear of epic proportions (why hasn’t their evolution led them to recognise glazing?! Sheesh!)
- The Face Plant. No matter how long you’ve had a conservatory, or how careful you always are, at some point, roughly once every year, someone will inevitably perform a face plant; running full tilt into the (unbeknownst to them) closed glass doors. (It’s ok, laughing doesn’t make you a bad person… much!)
- Unwanted Views. The uncensored panoramic view of next door’s cat doing their business amidst your begonias doesn’t make for an enjoyable breakfast.
- Smudge-makers. Regardless of how often you clean the glass, if you have children or pets there will be a consistent series of smudges on the glass of your conservatory, around adult knee height. The cause? Muddy paws, sticky fingers and nose prints… the latter not necessarily caused by your furry friends.
- Creative Condensation. You’d think children would be the worst culprits, but adult males give kids a run for their money when it comes to condensation graffiti. Innocent smiley faces and experimental signatures may be forgiven, but it’s always when Grandma comes round for a Sunday roast, that the steam from your merrily cooking vegetables reveals the breasts drawn on the glass next to the dining table… And we’re not talking chicken.
- The Nosey Neighbour. It starts with a prickle of consciousness, which creeps into a feeling of sinking inevitability. You raise your eyes from whatever you might be doing and meet the gaze of that neighbour. Always there, whatever the hour, pruning the hedge, filling the birdfeeder… smiling inanely into your conservatory. You know they don’t mean to dismay; their eyes are just drawn there… and you’re too polite to scowl and make them go away!
- The Conversation Killer. The pitter-patter of rain on a glazed roof is one of life’s little pleasures; postprandial conversation in a conservatory with a storm outside is something of a lost cause!
- The Dumping Ground. The problem here is that little word, ‘just’: I’ll just put the clothes horse up here until the weather clears. I’ll just put the kid’s toys in here until after the in-laws have visited. I’ll just leave this chair here until I can find somewhere better for it. I’ll just… fight my way through all this mess, so I can get out into the garden!
- Decisions, decisions. Too much choice is a luxury, but on those rare lazy days when time is unlimited, the conservatory owner can find themselves oscillating, in a semi state of flux. Cup of tea in hand, they hover in doorways – sitting room or conservatory, conservatory or sitting room… They will later wonder where they left their (now cold) cup of tea.
- Window cleaning. Need we say more??
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